Lauren Sotzin
Peer Reviews
Page
First Peer Review...
Reviewers name: Lauren Sotzin
Paper author’s name: Allison Kreiser
Has the writer written a research paper . . .
[medium]
__that joins a conversation (where there is a controversy), that listens to others who have been talking about the topic (old and new docs & sources), and then posits a unique idea(s) in an effort to extend the discussion?
__Or, is the paper substantially a report (a "data-dump") of what others have said?
_X_Or, is it an extended opinion piece that gives no support for the writer's ideas?
__Or, is it merely plagiarized? (this item trumps everything else and results in an "F" in the course.
Comment: first of all this paper is only 3 pages... it needs to be 8-10. very opinionated throughout with the no sources used, there is no controversy, not sure what she is arguing.
[opening & introduction]
__that contains an opening to the paper that hooks the reader and introduces the writer and his/her purpose for writing the essay? Is there a forecast of what the paper will contain?
Comment: the opening is interesting, but then does not really introduce the purpose of the paper is, you need to pick a side for which wave you agree with and then argue why you agree with it, no forecast, the forecast is a paragraph that lists the reasons that you are working with in the paper to argue for one case and get new ideas in the end.
[use of research question & thesis]
__where they employ their research question that then is answered in a thesis and set forward in the paper?
Comment: not sure if she had a thesis, because I was not sure where she wanted to go with this paper. you need to answer your question with the thesis within your paper.
[use of sources]
__where the writer introduce his/her sources, summarize, paraphrase, and/or quote them, and then provide a comment for each one that advances their thesis?
Comment: only one source and cannot tell where she used them within her paper.
[paragraph construction]
__that contains an argument that flows--claim, support, result?
Comment: no really any argument, but does flow with explaining the different waves and then giving some opinions, she needs to pick a side though and then list reasons and why you support them to make a better flow this paper.
[conclusion]
__that contains a conclusion that works to sum up or extend the ideas of the paper?
Comment: in conclusion still explaining something about the waves, do that in another paragraph because in conclusion you need to sum up everything, restate the thesis, and say what you learned. Also, you can explain the ideas you made more in the conclusion.
[works cited and in-text citations]
__that contains well integrated sources, a Works Cited page, and In-text citations conform to the MLA format?
Comment: there are no in-text citations, and works cited only has one source, which you need 8. Remember you can use you old and new doc you used for your past two paper and then you need one book. Once you add the sources make sure to put in-text citation and use the old and new docs.
[sentence-level rhetoric]
__where the writer has edited the paper carefully for grammatical and punctuation errors?
Comment: try not to use contractions much, write the word out. a lot of sentences sound informal, try to fix that. Most of the punctuation was fine.
Second Peer review...
Reviewers name: Lauren Sotzin
Paper author’s name: Sammy Testa
Has the writer written a research paper . . .
[medium]
X that joins a conversation (where there is a controversy), that listens to others who have been talking about the topic (old and new docs & sources), and then posits a unique idea(s) in an effort to extend the discussion?
__Or, is the paper substantially a report (a "data-dump") of what others have said?
__Or, is it an extended opinion piece that gives no support for the writer's ideas?
__Or, is it merely plagiarized? (this item trumps everything else and results in an "F" in the course.
Comment: there is an argument within her paper, but did not really use her past documents, despite that, great ideas throughout her paper that were brought u, made it personal to add effect.
[opening & introduction]
X that contains an opening to the paper that hooks the reader and introduces the writer and his/her purpose for writing the essay? Is there a forecast of what the paper will contain?
Comment: I really liked your little story in the beginning, it hooks the reader, introduces what she wants to explain, I believe there is a forecast where she says the specifics of what fans do for the world of baseball.
[use of research question & thesis]
X where they employ their research question that then is answered in a thesis and set forward in the paper?
Comment: answers what was proposed in thesis with much explaining throughout.
[use of sources]
X where the writer introduce his/her sources, summarize, paraphrase, and/or quote them, and then provide a comment for each one that advances their thesis?
Comment: she has quotes and provided comments with them, but not sure where she is getting them from because they were not cited.
[paragraph construction]
X that contains an argument that flows--claim, support, result?
Comment: there is definitely a flow, supports her reasonings very well and then has results for each.
[conclusion]
X that contains a conclusion that works to sum up or extend the ideas of the paper?
Comment: sums up everything that was mentioned, restated thesis, and left it off with a new proposed discussion.
[works cited and in-text citations]
X that contains well integrated sources, a Works Cited page, and In-text citations conform to the MLA format?
Comment: has a works cited page, but only one in-text citation.
[sentence-level rhetoric]
X where the writer has edited the paper carefully for grammatical and punctuation errors?
Comment: was formal, try not use contractions, but grammatically was fine.
* nice paper, kept me interested throughout and your ideas were well thought out! good job :)
